5-1-11 Sunday (Parking Lot Lions)

Jim and I met Deanna and Beth at Wild Wing Café for brunch.  Jim and I were a little annoyed to see “bottomless mimosa” was still on the menu from the last time we went there.  You may remember that I had complained and even received a thoughtfully crafted reply which I shared here.  I guess what bugs me so much is that they haven’t bothered to block out that text.  Jim decided to “test” them by asking the server for the bottomless mimosa.  She accepted the order.  Was she new?  Eventually she came back and told us it was discontinued and they were $3 each.  In this case it turned out for the better since I only had one.


After a fun time of catching up with the girls, Jim and I went to AT&T.  I had to drive.  Jim had more than one mimosa.  {wink}.  I just couldn’t get Verizon to come down on their smartphone packages (dataplans).  Through my job, I receive 28% off a month at AT&T.  I chose the HTC Inspire for both Jim and I.  He’s not the electronics guy so he just has me choose.

Phone
I love the phone.  It does everything I want it to and extra I didn’t.  It’s Android technology and there’s free downloadable applications for so much.  Weight Watchers, Google, Gmail, Firefox, UPC scanners, etc., etc.  It came preloaded with Facebook.  It synched my Google contacts to it.  It has built in Wi-Fi which is awesome to save me airtime.  I just hope the bad reputation that AT&T has doesn’t prevail.

 
The plan cost:

69.95 700 shared anytime minutes (free nights/weekends) with rollover minutes
25.00 2GB dataplan (Garret)
25.00 2GB dataplan (Jim)
119.95 Total
  Extras we weren’t planning to spend:
30.00 1000 texts and free mobile to mobile calls on any network
4.99 Insurance (Garret’s)
4.99 Insurance (Jim’s)
   
159.93 New total

 

I’m sure that’s more information than you wanted…



 

Several weeks ago in the parking lot at work, they erected a barricade around a goose on her nest.  The nest is in a planter, along a sidewalk (which is what is barricaded), right smack in the middle of the parking lot.  The male sits several parking spaces away and watches the lot.  As time went on the male would become very territorial and fly/hiss/honk at people even remotely in the vicinity.  Many coworkers had stories of run-in’s with the said goose.


One evening, coworker Mike and I walked to our cars.  The goose flew directly at me, and I swung my man-purse (lunch cooler) at him like an old lady defending herself against a mugger.  I wasn’t very effective… I assure you.  I’m sure to any onlookers it was quite comical.  Meanwhile, Mike ran off in the other direction and decided to take the long way around. 


Stories, which someday will become legends, started to be more common.  The goose was just getting more ferocious.  Can I use that word to describe a goose rather than a lion?  Well, we’ll just call him a big meanie.  I even heard some Asian guy was “beat down” to the ground by the goose.  Daily, it felt as though this goose what the talk of the town cubicles.


This past week, one night, I left work a little later than the rest of my coworkers.  It was after 9pm.  Dark.  RainyFoggy.  Uber scary.  I walked slowly, constantly scanning my surroundings.  Was a looking for a mugger?  A monster?  Nope, the damn goose.  I made it to my Jeep.  I inserted the key into the door lock and was friggin’ startled by a hissing.  I whipped my head around and saw the goose.  It’s head moved around like a cobra.  I backed up slowly calling it a mutha fu*ka.  It didn’t seem to care what I said.  Really.  I think it’s eyes glowed red.  If this were a National Enquirer interview, I may have even spotted horns.  Just sayin’.  I flailed my arms a few times, opened the Jeep door, and slid in carefully.  Revenge was whispering in my ear.  Nevermind, it was the air from the a/c vent.  I was so mad at this Satan-spawn that slammed on the accelerator and nearly hit it.  I didn’t have the balls.  I think it would have just accepted death.  It was just a foot away from my tire.  I think it smirked at me.

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I came home… annoyed.  Why did our company protect this animal in the middle of a parking lot where people are constantly coming and going?  Should they have relocated it?  I told Jim I should file a complaint with Human Resources.  Jim argued that since it’s not human, it wouldn’t apply.  Darn.  {wink}


Over the next day or so, another barricade was added to block off the parking spot closest to the nest.  I never really understood that since the male was protective of what seemed like a 412 mile radius.  What’s this one area mean?  Upon closer inspection, I spotted a shoe laying there.  A loafer.  Did the goose eat someone, discarding the shoe?

 

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In the following days, I wondered what was next?  Maybe a chalk outline of someone?  It was said that a wilf life removal service of sorts was taking care of the problem.  At the time of this posting (Wednesday), the eggs were missing but the nest intact.  The male and female seem to sit with one another but not even close to the nest.  The walk way is still barricaded.  The geese seem calm.

7 comments:

  1. You sure are a good story teller. :-)

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  2. That's a lot of {winking} for one post. I guess that Mimosa brought out the flirty author in you, because this post had me literally laughing out loud. By the time we got to the goose barricade, the shoe of the eaten person, and chalk outlines, I wasn't even trying to suppress the giggles. A very funny post.

    Stories, which someday will become legends, started to be more common. The goose was just getting more ferocious. Can I use that word to describe a goose rather than a lion? Well, we’ll just call him a big meanie.

    Tut tut, such language!

    We have similar goose legends occurring at my Aunty O's assisted living apartment. The male and female even peck at her door and try to come in when you open the door. They sure take guarding their nest seriously. But since there are new baby geese following them around now, you gotta give them credit for doing a good job! Just buy some goose food make friends with the goose, Garret. Life will be so much easier.

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  3. Did you just tell me to bribe the goose?

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  4. That's the best post in a long time. Best laugh I had in a week!

    ReplyDelete

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