8-10-11 Wednesday (RoboVac)

Dear Day Off,

Oh how I love you.  Although I try not to be a size queen, I certainly wish you were longer.  There, I said it.

Yours Truly,

The Worker

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Dear Lowe’s,

We were so thrilled to have found you have moving boxes cheaper than U-Line and U-Haul.  I’m trying to figure out why you found it necessary to put so much art work on every side of the box leaving hardly any room for me to label it’s contents.  Sure it’s important to display your name and logo proudly however I think leaving out the road graphic would have saved you money on ink and made me a lot happier.  After all, my happiness is important, isn’t it?

Sincerely,

Crammed

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Dear Rental House Stairs With The Dumb Molding and Excessive Use of Incorrect Caulk Type,

You suck.  You are a dust magnet.  You always look dirty and are obnoxiously annoying to clean.  I can’t wait to leave you behind in the move.

An Anxious Future Homeowner

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Dear Rental Dryer,

You suck too.  You are a complete mess when emptying the lint filter.  I truly believe that you and Rental House Stairs With The Dumb Molding and Excessive Use of Incorrect Caulk Type work together to make my life a dusty hell.  Why didn’t the landlord purchase a model with the lint filter inside the drum?  May you and Rental House Stairs With The Dumb Molding and Excessive Use of Incorrect Caulk Type have a good life together.

Hating Lint,

An Even More Anxious Future Homeowner

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Dear Clea Cat,

I’m on to you.  I know how you get up and down the kitchen counters.  You know you shouldn’t be up there.  I can hear you jump down when you know I’m coming down the steps.  You’ve left behind foot prints on the chrome trash can.  I’ve sent the prints off to a crime lab to be analyzed and confirmed but until the results are in know this, I’m watching you.

Disliking Pets on Counter Tops,

Disgusted

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Dear Icky Stove Top,

You’ve served me well for over a year and a half but I’ll be so excited to have a smooth top cook surface once again.  Perhaps the next renters will allow your “inner beauty” (aka burners) to display proudly.  I’ve been a horrible person… covering you up with burner covers… ashamed of you.  I try to remember you are not an animal.  It’s so difficult at times.  You are truly ugly looking.

Ashamed,

Renter

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<End Dear So And So’s>

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So I went shopping today.  While in Target I browsed the clearance end caps and spotted a Roomba 530 on clearance for $200.  It seemed like a great bargain.  We had one several years ago and liked it till it had issues.  We never had it fixed because we hit the road in the RV and placed it into storage.  When I got home I did some research and it sells for 250 –300 normally.  I had gotten a deal on it.  I used it and like it.  It won’t replace deep cleaning with a vacuum but will certainly help to keep the house looking tidy in between the rare times I actually vacuum.  I hate vacuuming.  It hurts my back.  It’s time consuming.  It’s annoying.  I hate it.

I got by the house today.  We have shutters, gutters and a mailbox!  Yay.  The electricians were leaving as I pulled up.  It was close to lunch time so I think they just went for a bite to eat.  The back door was left unlocked.  I went in.  Nothing looked different other than more outlets were finished.  I didn’t even bother going upstairs. 

If I hadn’t told you already, our walkthrough is scheduled for August 24th.  Under 2 weeks!  Closing hasn’t been set yet but I suspect it will be the 1st week of September.

I went shoe shopping.  By myself.  This is big news because I hate any type of clothes shopping.  It seemed like I was there forever and couldn’t decide if I liked what I picked out.  The sneakers were fine.  No questions.  They had a buy one, 1/2 price on the second deal at Shoe Carnival.  That second pair was a difficult decision.  I got these:

They’re definitely something out of the ordinary for me.  Whatcha think?

It’s been a while since I’ve done a “This Day in OUR History”:

2010: Nada.  Zilch.  No entry.  I must have been a slacker. 2009: Good food, bad food – read about it here. 2008: This was just over a week before we hit the road in the RV.  We posted our itinerary.  See the post here.

1-28-11 Friday (Dear So And So)

Dear Father Time,

I used to spend 2-3 hours a day looking for and applying for jobs online.  Now I have a job but it doesn’t start until 2-14-11.  The days are taking forever.  Can you speed up the day time a bit?  This would also benefit those who are working.  See, it’s a benefit for many!

Moving Slowly,

Garret

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Dear New Employer,

The hours weren’t that great to begin with.  Why’d you have to go and mess with the schedule after I accepted the position?  Now I can’t have Tuesday’s off and have to work much later on Saturday’s than anticipated.  No sweat.  I’ll deal.  I will be assimilated, resistance is futile.

Newly Yours,

Tongue Biter

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Dear Neighbor to our Right,

Whatever shelving unit you put on your front porch looks horrible.  If it’s not worth being in your house, then why is it even worth having?  The last time I complained about you (Feb 2010) it was about your Christmas lights.  It must have been so handy for them to already have been up.  When you fired those suckers up, you only had to replace some of it.  Certain sections of your icicle lights glowed brighter than others as if to proclaim their independence.  Bravo! 

Thanks for Listening,

Your Neighbor to your Left

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Dear Neighbor to our Right Plus Another 3 Houses Down From That,

I hear AND feel your bass more often than anyone should have to.  You arrive in the neighborhood blasting your music, THEN you leave your car door open while you check and sort your mail, allowing me to understand the words of the music and just how they associate themselves with the beat.  It’s wonderful when during a week night, I can awake at 2:30am, hear your bass even when my bedroom is in the back of the house.  You are an inconsiderate asshole.

Wish I Was Hard of Hearing,

Your Neighbor

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Dear Automated Shower Cleaner,

Who needs Scrubbing Bubbles?  With just some food and fresh litter, you’re good to go.  You happily hop up into the tub and lick the water totally ignoring the perfect water bowl downstairs.  Now if I could just get you to stop leaving wet foot prints and hair all over the tub, we’d be happier.   Oh, and you missed a spot.  I guess I really do need Scrubbing Bubbles after all.

With Gratitude,

Hater of the Shower Cleaning Routine

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Dear Clay,

I hate the way you hide in North Carolina soil.  It’s not like you’re useful to me.  I’m not planning on making pottery any time soon.  I’d like you to stop hitching a ride on the bottom of my Sketchers.  My Sketchers don’t approve of your behavior.

Sincerely,

Me & The Sketchers

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Dear Jim’s Laptop,

You’re an Acer, not a Hewlett Packard model.  Back in August, I received the same message on my laptop.  Now we have to decide if we should replace the hard drive for about $50 or then entire computer for about $350.  Ah, decisions, decisions. 

Hard On Hard Drives,

Garret

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Dear Ruth’s Chris Valets,

When Jim handed you the keys to our fine automobile, he quoted a line from Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop.  He said, “park it somewhere nice, this happened the last time it was here.”  (actual quote was "Can you put this in a good spot? 'Cause all of this **** happened the last time I parked here.”)  You never even flinched.  I’m left wondering if you are too young to have seen the movie OR if you hear that line way too often. 

PS: Don’t judge. 

Thankful for not Walking,

Owner of the Old and Dirty Jeep

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Dear Shell in Concord,

Your car wash sucks.  I know I only got the express wash for $6 but why couldn’t  it get the mud off?  The cargo hatch door was still dirty too when all was said and done.  Would the extra $1 or two for the upgraded wash have helped?  I even chose you, the wash with the brushes as opposed to those with the wimpy touchless wash cycle.  I guess I got what I paid for.

Owner of the Old and Partly Dirty Jeep

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Dear So And So

Dear Fat Cells,

I’ve never liked you and never will.  {evil voice} Soon, you will be eliminated.

Your Executioner,

Garret

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Dear TGI Friday’s,

I so love your Green Bean Fries and Cheesy Bacon Cheese Burger.  I also realize that you’re working with the Fat Cells and wanted to let you know that I do not approve of that alliance.

PS: Please clean the nasty light fixtures with the abundance of dead bugs in them that hovered over me as I ate.

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Dear Underwear,

Holy underwear!  Why do you develop holes where my junk goes?  I don’t have crotch rot.  Maybe this is a result of over stretched fabric?  A size 32-34?  Who am I kidding?

Uncomfortably Yours,

Future Underwear Shopper

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Dear Clea,

Stop getting on my chair when I leave the room for 3 minutes!

Thank you in advance,

Chair Owner

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Dear Goodwill,

I can’t believe you don’t have a separate men’s vs. women’s jean section.  I had to look through umpteen thousand pairs of jeans for the size as well as the gender appropriateness.  On the other hand, thanks for having several pairs of jeans and khakis that my enlarged body fit into.

Bloatedly Yours,

Pudgy

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Dear Deanna, HR Chick The Human Resources Goddess,

Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice you’ve personally given me.  I’ve landed a job, a new career, and I’m excited about it.  Thank you for writing a wonderful, helpful, and often comedic blog (Corporate Survival from the Bottom Rung) with tips about surviving in the corporate world.  

Gratefully Yours,

New to the Corporate World

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Dear City of Charlotte,

While I wished I would have had a job sooner, I’m happy that there are so many opportunities here.  Every so often I drive by some new corporate or regional office and am grateful to see them here.  Microsoft, Electrolux, HP, IBM, Rack Room Shoes, Speed channel, Wells Fargo, the list goes on and on.  Now could you just lower your damn taxes?

Residentially Yours,

An Abundantly Taxed Taxpayer

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Dear North Carolina,

What the hell have you done to me?  At what point did I become the person that says, “It’s nice out.  It’s 40 degrees.”  You’ve also infected Jim.  Perhaps when we visit Florida, we’ll wear shorts when it’s in the 60’s while the Floridian’s bundle up.

Chillingly Yours,

A Brainwashed Carolinian

 

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Dear Blog,

I know I said I was quittin’ you.  I can’t.  You’re like an addictive drug.  I can’t NOT find something to blog about.  We’ll eventually have to slow down our meetings once I get that job.  For now we’ll just have to enjoy one another.

Addictively Yours,

jimandgarret.blogspot.com Author

 

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As my friend Joanie of Joanie’s Random Ramblings says:

Dear Friends,
If you like Dear So and So, and want to give it a try, just pop over toKat's Place at Three Bedroom Bungalow, hook up with her Linky and add your own!  It's a great way to blow off steam, and you can read lots of other letters!

Love,

Joanie

Psssst, I posted 2 entries in one day so don’t miss one.

Dear So and So

Dear Potential Employers,

Hire me.  Am I over qualified or under qualified?  What gives?

Potentially Yours,

An Excellent Employee

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Dear Scale,

I don’t hate you.  I don’t.  I rarely step on you.  I think I just don’t want to know.  Unfortunately your pals, Pants and Mirror, constantly remind me.  I’m thinking about writing them a letter but have decided they’re just not worth it.

Still your friend,

Hater of Clothing and Mirrors

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Dear Weight Watchers,

I miss you!  WE have lots of work to do as soon as I splurge on your monthly fee.  I look forward to meeting your new PointsPlus ^TM system.  I hear fruits and veggies are “free”.   I like free foods.  I know I abandoned you and used my job as an excuse but I’ll be back!

Constantly Hungry and Over Weight,

A Successful Past Customer

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Dear Snow Pants,

You rock!  You kept me warm and dry while frolicking in the snow.  The best part about you was the price. 

Toastfully Yours,

Warm and Loved It

 

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Dear Hawksnest Resort,

On our prior visit you were tacky and needed a lot of updating BUT you were fun.  On our recent visit you were still tacky and not as fun.  Your “Magic Carpet” failures were annoying and sucked up a lot of our snow tubing time.  Grading the slopes leads to stalling out amidst a fun slide down.  Why must you grade?  Maybe we’ll give you another shot.

Disappointed in Charlotte,

A Possible Return Customer

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Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you so much for the very light dusting of snow on Sunday night.  My Mom had gone to bed but had gotten up for something and was able to see it.  Just in case this was our only snow while she’s visiting, I was thrilled she was able to see it falling from the sky.  With it being a very light snow, the roads were safe for Jim to go to work on Monday morning so another thank you is deserved.

Enjoying Snow I don’t Have to Shovel,

Thankful

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* I’ll catch up on the Myrtle Beach trip during or after the weekend.

2-12-10 Friday (Dear So And So)

Dear Neighbor To Our Left,

What the hell is your problem concerning your trash can?  Trash pickup is Tuesday.  You let it sit out until Thursday or Friday each week.  The other day I heard a noise, looked out the window and saw that you or a visitor had hit the trash can while backing up.  I saw you laugh.  I saw you put it back at the curb instead of to your house.  Wednesday it was so windy your trashcan blew into our driveway.  I moved it back to yours.  You’re a lazy idiot.

Sincerely,

Neighborhood Watch

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Dear Neighbor To Our Right,

Congratulations on having your Christmas lights up.  Oh, they’re such pretty icicle lights.  It’s so smart to be ready in advance.  Christmas seems to sneak up earlier and earlier each year.  Forgive me for cutting this short, I want to get to the store for some New Year’s champagne before it’s all gone.

Sincerely,

The Unprepared Neighbor

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Dear Neighbor Even More To Our Right,

I’m glad that you only had your car up on jack stands for 2 days.  Well actually, all four on jack stands for day 1 and then only two on day 2.  It was awfully nice to see as I came/went from my home.

Thankfully,

Wondering Where The Home Owner’s Association Is

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Dear Body Fat,

Please… just go.  You’re not welcome here.

Short & Not Sweet,

Hater Of Body Fat

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Dear Angel,

Thank you for winning over Devil yesterday.  It was difficult passing that McDonald’s and thinking how one little ole DOUBLE Quarter Pounder with cheese wouldn’t hurt.  When I began rationalizing why I thought I deserved it, you prevailed.  Thank you again!

Sincerely Yours,

McFat Lover

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Dear Dryer,

I know you’re not mine.  You’re part of the rental deal.  I understand that.  I’m just not sure why any manufacturer would think it to be a good idea to locate the lint screen at the top of the dryer.  Everytime I pull your screen out, lint flies to and fro.  Please keep your lint to yourself. 

Thanks,

Mr. Lint-Hater

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Dear Club Cards,

I still hate you all (except for my gym card and Friday’s Card).  You suck.  Why can’t I get a discount without you?

Hatefully Yours,

Card Carrying Schmuck

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Dear Readers, If you enjoy these Dear So and So's every Friday, try your own hand at one! Pop on over to Kat's place, grab her button and put it on your blog! Put your name on Mr. Linky and you'll be linked right up! C'mon! You know you want to!

 

 

 

We arrived to Oakhurst, CA a year ago.  After a beautiful scenic drive to the campground, we set up the RV, ate dinner and then I discovered some family issues brewing in Florida.  Jim and I decided it would be best for us to go to San Diego the next day and then I’d fly out.

A Bonus Friday: Dear So and So

Fellow blogger Joanie has done many Dear So and So letters.  Then Alix started doing them.  They both do such an excellent job, I thought I’d take a stab at it.   I’m not going to explain the letters, just read, you’ll get it.  It’s taken me weeks to finish this list.  I come up blank for topics so I doubt I’ll be doing this regularly.  Maybe irregularly.  Hmmmm, that sounds like I need a laxative or something.  Anyway, I present to you, my Dear So and So. 

 

Dear Cigarettes,

10 months after our break up and you still continue to taunt me.  You and your friend, Nicotine, are simply relentless in your pursuit of my unhealthiness.  Stop calling me!

Formerly Addicted,

Yours No More

Dear Clea,

You are a cat.  You need to relax in the morning.  I’ll feed you when I’m good and ready.

Sincerely,

Never Good & Ready

Dear Senility,

I’m not ready for you.  I’m too young.  I’ve had to buy a freakin’ pill box with the day of the week stamped atop since I can’t remember if I took my damn pills or not.  Go away.

Yours… What The Hell Was I Just Gonna Do?

 

Dear Headphones,

Thank you for your continued support in my cardio health.  I’m sorry I washed you with my gym clothes.  I’m grateful you still worked in all your squeaky-cleanliness.

Sincerely,

The Erroneous Laundry Slave

 

Dear Perspective Employers,

I’m very professional.  Pick me!  Pick me!  Pick me!  Oooooo, ooooo.

Professionally Yours,

Mr. Garret XXXXXXX Jr.

 

Dear Readers,

If you enjoy these Dear So and So's on Fridays, try your own hand at one!  Pop on over to Kat's place, grab her button and put it on your blog!  Put your name on Mr. Linky and you'll be linked right up!  C'mon!  You know you want to!