Dear So And So

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Dear Fat Cells,

I’ve never liked you and never will.  {evil voice} Soon, you will be eliminated.

Your Executioner,

Garret

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Dear TGI Friday’s,

I so love your Green Bean Fries and Cheesy Bacon Cheese Burger.  I also realize that you’re working with the Fat Cells and wanted to let you know that I do not approve of that alliance.

PS: Please clean the nasty light fixtures with the abundance of dead bugs in them that hovered over me as I ate.

flies


Dear Underwear,

Holy underwear!  Why do you develop holes where my junk goes?  I don’t have crotch rot.  Maybe this is a result of over stretched fabric?  A size 32-34?  Who am I kidding?

Uncomfortably Yours,

Future Underwear Shopper

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Dear Clea,

Stop getting on my chair when I leave the room for 3 minutes!

Thank you in advance,

Chair Owner

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Dear Goodwill,

I can’t believe you don’t have a separate men’s vs. women’s jean section.  I had to look through umpteen thousand pairs of jeans for the size as well as the gender appropriateness.  On the other hand, thanks for having several pairs of jeans and khakis that my enlarged body fit into.

Bloatedly Yours,

Pudgy

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Dear Deanna, HR Chick The Human Resources Goddess,

Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice you’ve personally given me.  I’ve landed a job, a new career, and I’m excited about it.  Thank you for writing a wonderful, helpful, and often comedic blog (Corporate Survival from the Bottom Rung) with tips about surviving in the corporate world.  

Gratefully Yours,

New to the Corporate World

Employers Advantage


Dear City of Charlotte,

While I wished I would have had a job sooner, I’m happy that there are so many opportunities here.  Every so often I drive by some new corporate or regional office and am grateful to see them here.  Microsoft, Electrolux, HP, IBM, Rack Room Shoes, Speed channel, Wells Fargo, the list goes on and on.  Now could you just lower your damn taxes?

Residentially Yours,

An Abundantly Taxed Taxpayer

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Dear North Carolina,

What the hell have you done to me?  At what point did I become the person that says, “It’s nice out.  It’s 40 degrees.”  You’ve also infected Jim.  Perhaps when we visit Florida, we’ll wear shorts when it’s in the 60’s while the Floridian’s bundle up.

Chillingly Yours,

A Brainwashed Carolinian

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Dear Blog,

I know I said I was quittin’ you.  I can’t.  You’re like an addictive drug.  I can’t NOT find something to blog about.  We’ll eventually have to slow down our meetings once I get that job.  For now we’ll just have to enjoy one another.

Addictively Yours,

jimandgarret.blogspot.com Author

Needle

 


As my friend Joanie of Joanie’s Random Ramblings says:

Dear Friends,
If you like Dear So and So, and want to give it a try, just pop over toKat's Place at Three Bedroom Bungalow, hook up with her Linky and add your own!  It's a great way to blow off steam, and you can read lots of other letters!


Love,

Joanie

Psssst, I posted 2 entries in one day so don’t miss one.

6 comments:

  1. Hey! Thanks for the shout out!

    You won't have to worry about the Cheesy Bacon Cheeseburger tempting you after Jan 26. It'll be off the menu then. But there WILL be new tasty stuff to tempt your palette!
    Oreo Madness is coming back!!! BWWAAHHHAHAHA!!!

    (pssst! I'm down 3 pounds!)

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  2. Thanks Garret!!!! I am so happy for you that you found a job and it sounds like it is going to be a great opportunity.

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  3. @Joanie: You mentioned about them discontinuing that burger on another post and I forgot to tell Jim about it. I'm frickin' devastated! I must remember to tell Jim. I'm gonna need to have wine.

    @Deanna: I love great opportunities. :-)

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  4. HAHAHA.. That is so funny... I think we are gonna have to take a page from your book and try that! Thanks for the inspiration. lol... you are so funny!

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  5. Loved these! Have a wonderful weekend, Candace

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  6. OMG Garret! Dear So and So's are so close to my heart (you know I loved doing them) and YOURS are stellar. Absolutely fabulous, dahling. I especially like your underwear rant (Crotch rot? There or not... eeewwwwww), Dear North Carolina? I feel your pain, Dear Blog... how alike we are. Working on a new one. And the shout out to Joanie.... well placed. LOVE that girl. PS: Thanks for the facebook messages. Your acerbic remarks make me feel so loved.

    ReplyDelete

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